High times, low life
Q - What do a cup of coffee and Eric Clapton have in common?
A - They both suck without Cream
Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.
Q - What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A - Homeless.
Q - Why did the drummer join the band?
A - He wanted to hang out with musicians.
Q - How does a guitar player change a light bulb?
A - He lies on the bed so that the room is spinning around it.
Q - How does a guitar player show up for practice?
A - Drunk and late......... as usual
Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?
A - Evidently all of them.
Q - How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
A - Give him music to read.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A - You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two lead guitarists playing in unision.
Q - How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?
A - Put some sheet music in front of him.
Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q - How do you make him stop?
A - Put notes on it.
Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A - Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say
"Not bad, but I could've done better."
Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.
Q - What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A - Counterpoint.
Q - What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A - Pick on someone your own size!
Q - How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up?
A - Shine a flashlight in his ear.
Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A - Depends on how far you throw it.
Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - At least 2000: one to change the bulb and 1999 to insist how much
better they could've done it!
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar
Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ?
So the rest of the band can understand them
How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light
What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ??
Five..one to actually do it ...
and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..
Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish??
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..
How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb?
"One, two, three; one, two, three."
A - They both suck without Cream
Q - What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A - One matures.
Q - What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A - Homeless.
Q - Why did the drummer join the band?
A - He wanted to hang out with musicians.
Q - How does a guitar player change a light bulb?
A - He lies on the bed so that the room is spinning around it.
Q - How does a guitar player show up for practice?
A - Drunk and late......... as usual
Q - How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?
A - Evidently all of them.
Q - How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
A - Give him music to read.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A - You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.
Q - What is the definition of a minor second?
A - Two lead guitarists playing in unision.
Q - How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?
A - Put some sheet music in front of him.
Q - How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q - How do you make him stop?
A - Put notes on it.
Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A - Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say
"Not bad, but I could've done better."
Q - What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A - His amplifier.
Q - What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A - Counterpoint.
Q - What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A - Pick on someone your own size!
Q - How do you make a guitarist's eyes light up?
A - Shine a flashlight in his ear.
Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A - Depends on how far you throw it.
Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A - So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
A - The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q - How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - At least 2000: one to change the bulb and 1999 to insist how much
better they could've done it!
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar
Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ?
So the rest of the band can understand them
How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ?
Pay for the pizza.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light
What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
In the 22nd century..how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ??
Five..one to actually do it ...
and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..
Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish??
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..
How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb?
"One, two, three; one, two, three."